I Hate The Dentist

Every dentist has an interesting family or two that comes through their doors. Each with their own unique personalities and quirky movements. 

 

There's this one family in particular that has been coming to our offices since our inception. Their names, I-Hate-The-Dentist. 

 

The I-Hate-The Dentist family is a huge and eclectic bunch indeed. So diverse that I can't really tell who they are until they introduce themselves. I usually introduce myself as Dr. Audu and they would say hey I'm Mike...I-Hate-The-Dentist. Some of them go by their last name first, then first name. "Good Morning doctor. I-Hate-The-Dentist, Cindy."

 

There is this one ornery, burly and pretty hairy member of the clan that goes just by "I-Hate-The-Dentist." I don't mess with him. He's big enough to use me as floss. 

 

As I was saying they are a very eclectic group. You have the mumbler, who you can't really understand what they are saying. I can't ever tell how he is feeling. I ask if he is doing okay and he mumbles. Ask if he needs anything like water or a break from the action...and he mumbles. In fact, the only time he is ever clear ironically is when he introduces himself as I-Hate-The-Dentist. 

 

You have the cryer, the yelper. You have the leaper and eww...the creeper. You have the dancer who bust out moves in the chair while you have a drill in their mouth. She's my favorite because sometimes she pulls the drill out and  uses it like a microphone. Plus she is so rhythmic, hitting every pop and contortion of her body with every high pitched hum of the drill. 

 

The I-Hate-The-Dentist family is such a curious crew. No one member looks the same. They're old and young. Long and stubby. Different shapes and sizes depicting every color of the rainbow you can imagine and creed from all corners of the world. 

 

This family is so diverse and interesting that I have to figure out their lineage. Dancing fanciful in my head were schemes to sneak Q-Tip cotton swabs in their mouth so I could mail them to Ancestry.com. I asked my husband what he thought. He said "Please don't. I actually like having you around. Don't really want to explain to our little one why mommy is behind bars."

 

So I didn't. I guess I understood where he was coming from. Prison looks good on Orange Is The New Black. Not so much in reality. 

 

Side note: Although I did concoct a niche I had of being the cell block dentist named "Teef". But that's another story. 

 

At the end of the day, I was left to my imagination and just chalked up the I-Hate-A-Dentist clan as of West-Eastern Afro-Euro-Hispanic-Asia-Pacific Islander origin who had a toothless great, great, great, grandfather named Jebidiah St. Onswu, who came to this great country in search of the American Dream. He started a family haberdashery from his earnings as a street sweeper in Fort Worth .... he had many wives....